Since I can remember, thriving for perfection seemed to be the essence of a successful and fulfilling life. And when I am standing in front of smart and enthusiastic students nowadays, then I am meeting people who have really earned their spots in that program. And that reminds me of having competed for internships or job opportunities in London and New York myself and that when someone received an offer, others got rejections.
One thing some of my students and I have in common is that we grew up in villages instead of those exciting cities we were hoping to move to one day. I landed my first job in a bank in a town called Cuxhaven, which was just 15 kilometers away from the farm where I grew up. But for a 17-year-old farm boy it seemed to be like a different world.
My son was missing his grandmother today, who is still living on that farm and so he called her. Suddenly I was wondering myself how she was feeling about her grandchildren being born in Central America, which is far away from that village between Cuxhaven and Bremerhaven.
I had always believed that someone needs to aim for perfection if someone wants to make it out of those villages and small towns in Lower Saxon, Germany. I think when you come from Germany, then it is always expected from high achievers to aim for top results. I had that expectation in high school and college, and being part of the top was so important to me.
I took my grades, internships at Deutsche Bank, and college courses abroad really seriously, and I knew from a young age what I was hoping for and competing with. There were those kids from established families, whose fathers had visited specific business schools or worked for prestigious investment banks, consulting or law firms, and had trained their offspring to choose similar paths like them.
I was partially realistic that front office positions were quite often given to the interns from those ivory schools, which I couldn’t afford. But I still managed to move to places like London and New York and got job offers from those firms, which many others failed to do so.
And while some people like me were lacking the pedigree, upbringing, and connections, we were hungry and ambitious and aimed for success and perfection. Nobody noticed us when we were growing up, and we were not expected to achieve great things. But we still wanted to shine and secure our spots in society.
I wished I could tell young people what to aim for. The thing is that I am presenting my own resume in front of every college course and realize that the journey for me is far from over. I I am currently studying for a doctoral degree after I have previously obtained an MBA and a master’s degree from universities in London and New York. But things are different this time. I am aware that as a single parent of two children with two jobs, there is just no reason for striving for perfection anymore.
While I am a deep believer that age is not an excuse for lacking grit or ambition, I also believe that sometimes it is more important to help my daughter with preparing for her math test than reading two or three research journal articles from accomplished academics at that time.
I quite often look around and realize that those who were hoping for a perfect life found themselves in situations when they either had to settle for less or had to start from scratch. I am especially thinking about those friends and acquaintances who were believed to have found perfect partners and marriages. Their lives were falling apart the moment those partners turned out not to be that perfect at all.
But what do we do when we realize that it is harder than we thought, not just to drive but also to achieve perfection? I eventually started to understand that it doesn’t matter at all. I got more relaxed about things when I got older. Likewise, I didn’t become one of those people who will retire as traders or managing directors from big banks and realized that this might actually not be a bad thing at all.
When I decided to start a family and have children, I had colleagues who were hoping for that big promotion and would cheat, betray and suck up to others to get there. I was never one of those people. Opportunities were given to me, but I didn’t throw others in front of buses to secure those. I tried to keep things real and go to bed with a clear conscience every night. I wanted to feel good about myself.
When I am hanging out with friends, who probably make more money than me, then I realize that some of them started to be more relaxed with themselves and also towards their children. I admit that I signed up my children for ballet classes at ABT in New York when they were just three years old. I wanted my kids to be trained at one of the best ballet schools in the entire country.
And I am proud that they are attending the German School in Barcelona, where my son is already learning four languages in first grade. But I am not one of those parents who are all over their schoolwork, and I have instead trust in them. I see them doing their homework without my supervision. They will come to me if they need my help, and that’s all I need to know.
At the end of this article, I want to express my belief that we all should be proud of our achievements and try to be the best people we can be. But I also would like to add that sometimes it is far more important to have a good time instead of trying to be perfect.
I also would like to express my gratitude to everyone reading this blog. I want to thank our loyal and new readers from Singapore, Hong Kong, China, Korea, India, Australia, and other places of the world.
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