Legacies

My high school reunion is coming up, and when I remember my childhood and youth, then I remember growing up in huge houses. As a matter of fact, all my classmates in the countryside grew up in houses. But since I was born into a family of farmers, we have been used to large estates. While Generation Z grew up with phones, the neighbor’s kids and I would spend our early years outside on the fields of the farm and in the forest close by.

My parents and I had to work for that kind of privileged upbringing. It is fair to say that neither my father nor I had a real childhood, which ended when we were six years old. My parents told me at a very early age that we were members of a certain class and that being born into that class also meant having to follow certain rules. We cannot blame it all on the TV series “Fame” from the 1980s, but I realized myself that for some people it is more important to have their own dreams and to believe in themselves and hard work, of course.

When I left the farm, it was clear that it would take a long time before I would live in a large house again. And to make matters more challenging, I understood that to succeed in life, we sometimes need to be open to new experiences, people, and, of course, new classes of society. I have been fortunate enough to meet people with all kind of backgrounds.

When I was a student, I used to work at exhibitions. The agency MTC from Frankfurt capitalized on our looks and product presentation skills and let us present phones and cars at exhibitions in Hannover and in Frankfurt.

I met a German countess at one of those events, and I got on well with her, her friends and her boyfriend as well; we had lunches and dinners together. What I learned during that time was that when someone with a different background decides to spend time with us, then we need to be able to offer good conversations in return.

The countess was very well spoken, and she offered friendship. I remember us hanging out in Hannover and Frankfurt and even at the Plaza Hotel in New York, when we were there on the same weekend.

What really fascinated me about her was the way she presented herself and that she never came across as arrogant or someone who didn’t enjoy my company. Later, when I was working at BNP Paribas in London, my French colleagues made me aware of the importance to be and to talk passionately about life and the arts and to excite others over four-hour-long dinner conversations.

When I first moved to London, I experienced the existence of a system involving two different classes of society the hard way. But I also credit hard work and the ability to believe in ourselves as a recipe for success. I will never forget how proud I was when Morgan Stanley in London offered me my first job after two unpaid internships or when my name appeared on the guest list of Boujis, which was Prince William and his then-girlfriend Kate Middleton’s favorite members club at that time.

When my children and I were living in New York, we were guests at a family of investment bankers. They made millions of dollars and lived in a huge apartment; we would have fancy dinners with them and felt honored to be celebrating life with them. But I also remember that they never treated us like poor friends, even if my daughter was the only one on their children’s birthdays visiting public school.

As a single parent, I understood very early that we must provide our children with certain tools so that they can succeed in life themselves. And while I provided them with access to culture and enabled my daughter to visit the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis School of American Ballet Theater for six years, I felt pride when my son recently expressed his wish to continue with ballet class at the German School in Barcelona. I am not sure about his motives since he also loves playing soccer with me, but I decided to grant his wish, of course.

When we grow up in those big houses, then sometimes we are being told our whole life that we are destined for greatness based only on the virtue of our name and that sacrifice is for the foolish and that survival is all that matters. But sometimes we find ourselves at a crossroads when we have to decide what is true, and we can either decide to hide as cowards or live as heroes.

I still believe that standing up for the right things and treating others with respect are the characteristics that make us shine and remember others about us. I have always had good experiences with those friends with different backgrounds, who were still willing to share time and friendships with me. But unfortunately, not everyone can be that fortunate, which my friend Josh recently confirmed when we met up for cocktails in Eixample in Barcelona.

Josh was a highflier and one of those people who would enter a room and get most people's attention right away. He told me about that younger new colleague with a law degree,  a “de” as part of his name, and counting golf as his favorite hobby. “When we first met, he winked with his eye and was very flirtatious. We had all those interesting and exciting conversations and got on very well. He told me that we should hang outside of work sometimes until he took a massive step back one day.”

I took a sip from my cocktail and asked what had happened. “Our lying and always-manipulating manager was a pill-popping psychopath who had started his career at Saturn Hansa. So, after I had shared with the boy that I had made a complaint about certain unacceptable behavior, he dropped me right away and instead started sucking up to that totally incompetent jerk. When I was promoted and left the job, I felt that he had become the manager’s toy. He seemed fine with that moron mocking him even on his birthday.”

When I heard that story, I realized once again that sometimes it doesn’t matter at all in which class someone is born when it is about integrity and being able to succeed in life. People can be born with silver spoons and visit the best private schools, but when they are lacking the certain something, then they won’t stand a chance in the real world.

I looked at my friend and asked him how he was doing. “I am fine,” replied Josh. “I think his lack of loyalty and arrogant behavior was hurtful at that time. But I am at an excellent place now, and the way I see it is that there is no way that he will ever get out of that shitty place.”

Josh took a moment and then finished his cocktail. “But please let me know if you ever decide to write a story about horrible bosses,” laughed my friend and winked at me